There Is No Guilt On The Other Hand

Today I showed up to a play date for kids and moms in Sophie’s class with all three of my kids in tow. They were the only siblings there. We were the last to arrive. I was a sweaty mess from my morning workout. I spent most my time there nursing. On the other hand, Sophie had a great time.

When we got home, I broke my own rule of letting the girls watch only three tv shows a day, so I could get all of the Shabbat cooking done. On the other hand, they watched nicely together and there has been very little arguing. I even heard some happy discussion and giggling coming from the play room.

While I cooked, I put a fussy Jude in the bumbo on the counter next to me. He fell asleep in the bumbo and I did not move him out, even though I was worried about his head/neck being slumped in that position. On the other hand, he seemed comfortable enough to take a nice little nap.

When he woke up, he spit up all over himself and pooped. I was too busy to clean him up right away. On the other hand, he didn’t seem to mind. Before I took him out to change him, he even smiled and playfully kicked his feet at me.

Right now the house is looking a little more cluttered than I would like it to. I still have a couple more things to cook. The girls are going on hour three of straight tv-watching. Shimmy is holed up in his office, working. On the other hand, we are all home together, my dad is on his way over, and we’re going to have an enjoyable weekend.

Here’s to a very happy and healthy new year. May 2012 be wonderful, exciting, peaceful, fulfilling, and guilt-free!

Jude is Two Months Old!

Jude is two months old! Here is what’s new with him. As you can see from the picture, he is cute and fat and soft and snuggly. As you can also see from the picture, he smiles! Not all the time, and not on cue, but he does flash one every now and then. He also cries! And as of a few days ago, he cries with real tears! He has been sleeping a long stretch (average is seven hours) almost every night for the past couple of weeks. He is strong. He’s not yet rolling over, but he can arch his back to the point of almost doing a back bend. I’m sure he’ll be rolling over any day! I have really enjoyed watching his eyelashes grow over the past two months. He started out with a few individual lashes. Each day they have become longer and thicker. Pretty soon he will have the false lash-looking lashes that his sisters have that I covet so very much. So very long, thick, and dark. So very unfair that I don’t have them too! It’s not smooth sailing yet. Jude still prefers to spend his waking hours being held, mostly by me. Though he is sleeping through the night, the few hours before he falls asleep (about 6:00/7:00 until 10:00/11:00) he is awake and fussy. Instead of being able to relax after I put the girls to bed, I spend the next several hours nursing, being screamed at, and being thrown up on. I’m looking forward to the next month. Past experience tells me that everything will get a lot easier at the three month mark. Until then, the smiles help! :)

Cloning

Having once again rescued Jude from crying so hard that he vomited, and then choked on his vomit, just because I put him down to go use the bathroom, I am wishing I could clone myself. To start, I’d have one of me for each child. This way I could attend to each of their (constant) needs. I would also be able to have one-on-one enjoyable time. I could help Sophie learn to read and practice her writing. I could help Lilah with more complicated puzzles and with her letters and numbers. I could make sure she napped every day and I could toilet-train her. I could nurse Jude totally on demand, but also play with him and engage him instead of plopping him into a swing so often. I’d like another clone or two as well to take care of household stuff and personal stuff. Maybe one clone could just sleep constantly so that the other clones never got tired. So that’s a total of five clones. Although I would be really, really grateful for even one. Scientists, get on it.

Ratios

Having three kids feels like a lot more than two. When there are two parents present it is fine; even enjoyable at times. However, on the days (almost every day) that I go at it alone, it is challenging. 1:1 was hard, mostly because it was all so new and different, but it was manageable. 1:2 was also manageable. In fact, it was easier than 1:1 in some ways, especially once the 2 could play together and entertain each other. But 1:3 is very, very hard. It seems like at any given moment at least one kid is upset or sick or in need of help or in need of entertaining or in need of intervening. Or more than one kid is in need of more than one of those. Or all three are. Most days it’s all I can do to keep my head above water. I can never manage to run errands and complete household chores on the same day. It has to be one or the other. Exercising is hard to fit in, but enjoyable and rewarding when I can make it work. Add volunteering at the girls’ school, helping a friend in need, or anything extra at all and I start to feel like I’m drowning. So I have thrown in the towel and asked our babysitter to come over two evenings a week to provide an extra set of hands. She’s here from the tail end of dinner (which is as soon as she is able to get here after her day job) through bedtime. Two days ago was the first time she came. It was kind of helpful. She held Jude while I finished supervising dinner for the girls, cleaned up dinner, and made their lunches for school the next day, and gave them a bath. Then she sat with the girls and watched tv with them while I fed Jude. Then she held Jude again while I put the girls to bed. Since Jude fussed almost the whole time she held him, I could have just put him in a swing or bouncy seat. And the girls could have watched tv in my room while I nursed. So I’m not sure this is money well spent. She’s coming tonight, so we’ll see how it goes. It’s not exactly the 2:3 you get with another parents or close relative (because I really just want someone to hold Jude while I’m in the shower and then have them make me dinner and bring it to me while I am nursing, and I can’t exactly ask the babysitter to do that!), but I guess 1.5/3 is still better than 1:3.

It's Never Too Late For Thank You

It's about a week and a half late, but here is my Thanksgiving recap:

The entire day went more smoothly than it had in recent past years. We did more prep the day before, allowing for a more relaxed Thanksgiving Morning, which is one of the things I had really missed in the past few years. Even though the relaxing morning didn't begin at 10am, as it had once upon a time (probably B.C.: Before Children, or at least before Child #2), we did manage to all do crafts together at the kitchen table while watching/listening to the parade in the background.


Our Fall Leaves Collage and Thankful Turkey


The " Fry Fest" was much better organized. There was a good mix of people at the Fry Fest including a lot of my friends. The weather was beautiful.


Prepping the fry turkey outside- no coats necessary!

Thanksgiving dinner was really nice and fairly relaxed. The food was delicious. The kids were adorable in their new outfits, which were embroidered with their names. (I can't believe I'm that mom!)


Stress-free last minute prep

Sophie's turkey costume

The turkey was so delicious that my sister took a break from being a vegetarian to eat some!


The kids' outfits with their names embroidered on them

I went shopping on Black Friday with my sister and got some good deals on kids' clothes and Chanukah gifts.

Our friend (though that word is really not enough for what he is to us) Giddy had come to stay beginning Tuesday night and did not leave until the Monday night after Thanksgiving. To have him around was wonderful. He happily played with the girls and held a fussy baby whenever necessary. He helped me with home projects. He co-chaired the Fry Fest, helping oversee every single detail. He made me laugh a lot, which was so good for my tired, worn out self of late. Thanksgiving seemed like a week-long happy occasion while he was here.


Taking a nap with Jude


Playing with a hyper Sophie and a cranky Jude

Since it's never too late for thank you... This year I am especially thankful for:

-My family of origin- particularly my parents- who have been SO helpful since Judah was born. I have never needed help like this before and without even having to admit this to them they just regularly appear to relieve some of the burden. They are truly wonderful parents and grandparents.
- My current family, especially now that our Judah Jack has arrived.
-My chosen family: Giddy (see above reasons) and my girlfriends, who are the reason I can continue to feel centered and sane most days.
- Our good fortune and comfortable lives. Things are a little rough lately, but overall I know I am so blessed for everything I have. I do reflect on that daily.
- My new treadmill which I am on now (way to multitask) that has a place for my iPad to rest so I can blog finally! (I did edit a lot after I originally wrote it- auto correct can't fix everything!)

First Month in Review

I have composed many beautiful, poignant, and amusing blog posts over the past month. The problem is; however, that they never left my mind. There have been no breaks in the crazy. I am still adjusting to the extra plates I must now keep spinning. I know I will adjust. I know it will get easier. Right now, though, it is nearly impossible to find the time to write. I know I won’t be able to recount the past month the way I really want to, but I want to try to remember this time, so here is my sloppy, rushed attempt.

Week 1 was wonderful. I was thrilled to no longer be pregnant (and still am). We were still in holiday mode, all of the family was here together, and now Judah was here with us too. Shimmy took off from work- both from going into work and from doing work of any kind from home. Even though I was sleep-deprived, I was running on adrenaline. I was in bris preparation mode- going to the florist to pick out centerpieces, menu planning with the caterer, picking out linens at the linen guy’s warehouse, writing my speech, making arrangements for the friends and family that were coming in from out of town, etc. Because the bris was on another holiday, and one of the largest in terms of synagogue attendance (namely, Simchat Torah) we planned a luncheon for a few hundred people. All of the major event planning took my focus and stress away from the main event: the circumcision itself. Everything went perfectly, thank God, and it was a beautiful event. Unfortunately, because it was on a holiday we have no pictures. About a week after the bris I got around to staging some pictures:

Jude on his bris pillow, wearing the outfit that Shimmy wore to his own bris. Taken one week after the actual bris, but better late that never!

Week 2 is when I crashed, but remained in good spirits. I was exhausted, but optimistic that things would ease up soon. I felt determined to keep things running smoothly and to rough out the storm (which, from past parenting experience is never longer than three months). Shimmy was back at work and busier than ever (which, for him, meant not coming home at all some nights), but still I persevered.

A picture of Jude cropped from a picture of him with one of our many visitors.

Week 3 is when I snapped. I did have some help- friends brought dinners and my parents came up to help several times, but I could feel that sense of doom falling upon me. One evening I sat on my bed holding a fussy Jude while my parents sat on my rug, each of them holding one of the girls while they watched a tv show. I could not stop sobbing. All I could think was, “I need some effing sleep.” I felt like I was running on auto pilot. I was depressed and numb. One Sunday I managed to escape long enough to get my eyebrows waxed. It felt good to have hot wax poured on my skin and ripped off. It felt like something besides my usual haze. When the aesthetician was finished, the clock in the salon chimed on the hour, and, I kid you not, played “Hey Jude.” It was time to go back to the crazy.

Jude in his CAPS gear. We watched the game together on one of our lonely, and sleepless, nights.

By Week 4 things started looking up. I finally started getting some sleep. I began going to sleep around 9 or 10pm instead of waiting for the midnight feeding. Judah also started sleeping for three or four hours at a time some nights instead of his typical two. Somehow I managed to work out twice and even did my own nails. Though, I think what really improved things was having cocktails at 11am with my girlfriends, during what has until now been referred to as “playgroup,” but what will henceforth be referred to as “Tuesday brunch and cocktails.” I love my ladies!

My personal trainer napping in his swing in our home gym while I ran on the treadmill.

Which brings us to the present: Tomorrow my Judah Jack will be one month old! Even though it’s been rough at times, I love him to pieces and I can’t imagine our family without him.

Hanging out in the fall leaves