Monday, June 28, 2010
Guilty, but Productive
I did something today I never thought I'd do. And never did with Sophie. I began Day One of what will hopefully be a long term arrangement of a babysitter for Lilah two mornings a week for 2-3 hours. To me, being a stay at home mom means just that. It means I have consciously decided to do nothing but stay at home with my kids (while they are home, meaning before they begin attending school). It is quite the sacrifice. It has become too much of a sacrifice lately. Lilah has turned into a busy baby. Our house is the great uncharted Western territories and she is Lewis and/or Clark. And if you've ever been to my house you understand that this is only a slight exaggeration. Every electrical outlet, plant, food item in the pantry, door stop, magnet, etc. must be inspected, tasted, and partially broken. In short, she needs constant supervision. And in order for me to provide it, I cannot do anything else including using the bathroom. I began slacking off in all areas- cooking, cleaning, exercising, and yard work. Not to mention things I actually enjoy like conversing with other adults. So I made the plunge. I found a nice, responsible 18 year old with a wonderful personality and her own car. And this morning went off without a hitch. Lilah had someone to play with her and give her undivided attention for nearly three solid hours. And I accomplished the equivalent of what I accomplished during the entirety of last week. I do feel a little guilty. Actually, a lot guilty. When the babysitter said to me, "she is SUCH an easy baby" (because she has such a sweet, easy-going personality and IS easy when you are watching her like a hawk) I sort of stammered some lame excuse about why I needed a babysitter. I never would have thought I would have hired one. And it would never have worked with Sophie- she wasn't as exploratory as Lilah is, and she also was not as easy-going. If someone needed to be giving her undivided attention, that someone needed to be me, which she made quite clear. Lilah could not care less who is playing with her, as long as someone is playing with her. Hiring a babysitter seems to have been the right decision for us at this time and that's what matters. That's all that ever matters, really. That's what I have learned most about parenting, and is, in fact the "advice" I give new and future parents who ask for it. What works for one parent and child is not necessarily what will work for you. You have to trust your instincts and find your groove, even when it means second-guessing what you thought you believed at a different time in your life. When it comes down to it, it's all about survival. And right now, this babysitting arrangement is helping us survive a little better than before.
Monday, June 14, 2010
A Day in the Life
I really don't have time to be blogging right now, but I need a break from my day. And blogging always feels like I am accomplishing something as opposed to doing nothing on said "break." Come to think of it, I may have used this title before, but it still fits, and, unfortunately, the Beatles aren't exactly coming up with new material :( Which reminds me! I am going to see Sir Paul McCartney live in concert! I impulsively booked a ticket! It is July 28! In Charlotte! And, no, I do not live anywhere near Charlotte. But Charleston is sort of near Charlotte and I need to make it down there at some point this summer to visit the relatives, so I booked a ticket! And a friend from way back when who I keep in touch with on facebook is also going! So we are having a girls road trip/night out with Sir Paul! Yay!
Anyhoo, A Day in the Life. Specifically my life. Specifically today. The last words I said before turning out the light last night were- and I am totally serious- "Please, God, let me get a lot of sleep tonight." To which God replied, "HAHAHAHAHA! No way, sucker!" Because not 30 minutes after falling asleep, Sophie woke me up for the first of what would be four times over the course of the night. Two of those times were to use the bathroom post her Chinese food dinner (enough said). So it didn't come to that much of a shock to me this morning when she insisted that she did not want to go to school because her stomach still hurt and she was tired. I told her she could stay home, even though my brain screamed, "NO! I HAVE TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE AND I HATE TAKING BOTH KIDS! AND WE ARE HAVING COMPANY FOR DIINER THAT I NEED TO COOK AND CLEAN FOR!" Shimmy, who usually drives Sophie to school before going to work, decided to go ahead and leave so he could get to work early. As soon as Sophie finished breakfast she exclaimed, "My tummy is all better! Now I can go to school!" This was about 10 minutes after school had started. I made a quick decision to put the rest of my coffee in the frig and get the three of us dressed and out of the house as quickly as possible. I dropped Sophie off about a half an hour late, and then Lilah and I headed to the grocery store. We came home, put the groceries away and I whipped up two awesome desserts for tonight that needed to freeze for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, I paused every two minutes to pull Lilah off of the oven, which clearly looks more like a ladder to her. She also needed to be pulled off of the dishwasher several times. When things got quiet I soon realized she was halfway up the stairs, which she still occasionally falls down. I decided to put her in her high chair and give her an early lunch while I cleaned the kitchen. During my cleaning I realized that I need to get Sophie's teacher's end of the year gifts. At some point I turned around and saw Lilah standing up, facing backwards, trying to climb and jump out of the high chair. Time to start strapping her in. As soon as I was finished cleaning up it was time to go get Sophie. I ate a quick lunch first- the rest of Lilah's macaroni off of her high chair tray. I ate it with the fork Sophie had used for breakfast. After I picked Sophie up we went shopping for teachers' gifts. Then we came home, everyone had a quick snack, and Lilah went down for a nap. Lilah is now sleeping. Sophie is having quiet time with a show. I just came back inside from trying out several different old hoses in an attempt to fill our pool quicker. Now I'm here. Damn, I think it's time to get back to work. Company will be here in two hours...
Anyhoo, A Day in the Life. Specifically my life. Specifically today. The last words I said before turning out the light last night were- and I am totally serious- "Please, God, let me get a lot of sleep tonight." To which God replied, "HAHAHAHAHA! No way, sucker!" Because not 30 minutes after falling asleep, Sophie woke me up for the first of what would be four times over the course of the night. Two of those times were to use the bathroom post her Chinese food dinner (enough said). So it didn't come to that much of a shock to me this morning when she insisted that she did not want to go to school because her stomach still hurt and she was tired. I told her she could stay home, even though my brain screamed, "NO! I HAVE TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE AND I HATE TAKING BOTH KIDS! AND WE ARE HAVING COMPANY FOR DIINER THAT I NEED TO COOK AND CLEAN FOR!" Shimmy, who usually drives Sophie to school before going to work, decided to go ahead and leave so he could get to work early. As soon as Sophie finished breakfast she exclaimed, "My tummy is all better! Now I can go to school!" This was about 10 minutes after school had started. I made a quick decision to put the rest of my coffee in the frig and get the three of us dressed and out of the house as quickly as possible. I dropped Sophie off about a half an hour late, and then Lilah and I headed to the grocery store. We came home, put the groceries away and I whipped up two awesome desserts for tonight that needed to freeze for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, I paused every two minutes to pull Lilah off of the oven, which clearly looks more like a ladder to her. She also needed to be pulled off of the dishwasher several times. When things got quiet I soon realized she was halfway up the stairs, which she still occasionally falls down. I decided to put her in her high chair and give her an early lunch while I cleaned the kitchen. During my cleaning I realized that I need to get Sophie's teacher's end of the year gifts. At some point I turned around and saw Lilah standing up, facing backwards, trying to climb and jump out of the high chair. Time to start strapping her in. As soon as I was finished cleaning up it was time to go get Sophie. I ate a quick lunch first- the rest of Lilah's macaroni off of her high chair tray. I ate it with the fork Sophie had used for breakfast. After I picked Sophie up we went shopping for teachers' gifts. Then we came home, everyone had a quick snack, and Lilah went down for a nap. Lilah is now sleeping. Sophie is having quiet time with a show. I just came back inside from trying out several different old hoses in an attempt to fill our pool quicker. Now I'm here. Damn, I think it's time to get back to work. Company will be here in two hours...
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Conversations with Sophie and Lilah
Interesting things Sophie has said recently:
To a friend: "Can you share with Lilah? She's a nice girl."
To me: "When I'm a grown up i'm going to have those chips, beer, and Texas Pete."
To me: "When I grow up I'm going to live in the little house [old house] again."
Lilah can't have "conversations," per se, yet, but she did say two new words for the first time yesterday:
Chicken
and
Sophie
It was very exciting!
After which, Sophie said to Lilah: "Oh! Thank you for saying 'Sophie!' You're a good girl! I love you!"
To a friend: "Can you share with Lilah? She's a nice girl."
To me: "When I'm a grown up i'm going to have those chips, beer, and Texas Pete."
To me: "When I grow up I'm going to live in the little house [old house] again."
Lilah can't have "conversations," per se, yet, but she did say two new words for the first time yesterday:
Chicken
and
Sophie
It was very exciting!
After which, Sophie said to Lilah: "Oh! Thank you for saying 'Sophie!' You're a good girl! I love you!"
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Final Session
I nursed Lilah for the last time today. I didn't want it to be the last time. It seems too soon. I am not ready. But I am leaving her next weekend for four days and nights (a mini vacation centered around a wedding, otherwise I would not have planned to leave her so soon) so nursing must come to an end. I told her it would be the last time, but I doubt she understood. She nursed away happily, with her eyes half-closed. My eyes were half-closed too- full of tears, remember all of the times and places we've nursed over the past 14 months. I will miss the closeness only nursing can bring. The warm feelings that create that unbreakable bond. I will miss the meditative state we both enter while nursing. A state of total relaxation- a chance to let go of everything else, even if it's just for five minutes. I will miss the confidence it give me as a mother. Even if I am feeling like a terrible mother some days I can at least do SOMETHING right. THIS I can do. I will miss the little parts of it. Lilah's feet- exact little replicas of my own- stretching out and resting against my arms. I will miss smelling and kissing her hair and her forehead. I will miss making her smile and laugh so that she spills milk out of her mouth. I will miss feeling her warm little body against mine. I will miss all of it.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Every Day is Mother's Day
Which is why it's totally fine that I am just now posting about it.
Over the past several days I've been watching this:
There is something comforting and and inspiring about caring for my children while watching a mama bird protect her soon-to-be-hatched babies in the nest right outside of our window. They say that as soon as you become a mother you become part of a tribe of other mothers, and it's true. You share knowing glances with strangers at grocery stores. You swap birth stories with other moms as soon as you meet them. But what I've found is that this is not limited to the human species. I have had several experiences where I have literally felt a bond with animal mamas. One of my most poignant experiences, and one which helped lead to my decision to stay home, was pushing baby Sophie in her stroller at the zoo. We walked past the Chimpanzee habitat and I just stared and stared at a mama chimp and her baby. She was swinging around, going about her business, and this baby chimp was on her back. It just looked so natural, like of course she was taking her baby everywhere. I locked eyes with mama chimp and got my confirmation: I am supposed to be with my baby. Instead of fighting the little voices that were nagging me to go back to work, I let go of the struggle and decided to stay home. I felt that my baby and I needed to stick together. (I feel the need to emphasize that this was the best decision for me, but not necessarily for everyone else. There are stay at home moms, full-time working moms, and a million kinds in-between and that is awesome. We're all lucky to be able to choose the best decision for us and our babies!)
So, Mother's Day. It was a lovely day. After a couple of other events we headed down to the last day of a gallery exhibit that I had wanted to see. As an amazing Mother's Day gift, I got to take this home:
Of course, the real art collector's find that I got that day was this:
What it's all about:
(Yes, that is a dinosaur. This is the most recent pic I can find of them together, taken a couple of weeks ago at the science center.)
Over the past several days I've been watching this:
There is something comforting and and inspiring about caring for my children while watching a mama bird protect her soon-to-be-hatched babies in the nest right outside of our window. They say that as soon as you become a mother you become part of a tribe of other mothers, and it's true. You share knowing glances with strangers at grocery stores. You swap birth stories with other moms as soon as you meet them. But what I've found is that this is not limited to the human species. I have had several experiences where I have literally felt a bond with animal mamas. One of my most poignant experiences, and one which helped lead to my decision to stay home, was pushing baby Sophie in her stroller at the zoo. We walked past the Chimpanzee habitat and I just stared and stared at a mama chimp and her baby. She was swinging around, going about her business, and this baby chimp was on her back. It just looked so natural, like of course she was taking her baby everywhere. I locked eyes with mama chimp and got my confirmation: I am supposed to be with my baby. Instead of fighting the little voices that were nagging me to go back to work, I let go of the struggle and decided to stay home. I felt that my baby and I needed to stick together. (I feel the need to emphasize that this was the best decision for me, but not necessarily for everyone else. There are stay at home moms, full-time working moms, and a million kinds in-between and that is awesome. We're all lucky to be able to choose the best decision for us and our babies!)
So, Mother's Day. It was a lovely day. After a couple of other events we headed down to the last day of a gallery exhibit that I had wanted to see. As an amazing Mother's Day gift, I got to take this home:
Of course, the real art collector's find that I got that day was this:
What it's all about:
(Yes, that is a dinosaur. This is the most recent pic I can find of them together, taken a couple of weeks ago at the science center.)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Courtesy of Skee-Lo
When I decided to be a stay at home mom for a few years I thought part of the bargain would be having time to pursue some of my hobbies and interests. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yea, lots of free time. The thing is, I know I do still have at least a teensy bit more "free" time now than I will have one day when I go back to work. I really want to find time for the things that interest me. Such as:
Photography- I bought a nicer camera just before Lilah was born. I play with it occasionally. I can adjust the f stop manually, do some basic editing, and take a much better picture than the average amateur out there. But that's it. Ultimately I want to never visit a Picture People again. I want to take beautiful photos of my kids, and maybe other people's. I just can't seem to find the time to learn what I need to learn and implement.
Cooking- I love to cook. I am pretty good at it. My new kitchen is huge and has semi-professional equipment. When I do have time to cook, the food is awesome. But I wish I had more time to try elaborate and gourmet recipes. I want time to experiment with new things. I kind of also want a prep chef and someone to clean up after me.
Sewing- I do not know anything about operating a sewing machine. But I wish I did. I just want to be able to sew a simple hem, make some throw pillows, that sort of thing. While we're on the topic- any recommendations for a good beginner's sewing machine?
Exercise- I'm not sure if this is a hobby, but it's something I semi-enjoy and wish I had more time to devote to. Out of all of my "hobbies," this one wins. I do work out at least 3 times a week, but gosh that's not enough. I probably devote the most time to it because it's more socially acceptable to be a sucky seamstress than it is to be a lard ass.
Craftiness in general- I love painting, scrap booking, reupholstering, etc. I did paint the whole playroom. It is about 99% done and I promise to take photos (albeit mediocre ones since I have no time to pursue photography) when it is totally finished. I wish i had more time for the little projects I think of from time to time.
While I'm listing the impossible, or at least the not very likely, let me just throw this one out there- learning to play a musical instrument. I started to learn piano at one point, but had to stop when I moved away from the piano. I wish I could play piano or even drums.
I also wish I had more time for this blog. Sigh.
Photography- I bought a nicer camera just before Lilah was born. I play with it occasionally. I can adjust the f stop manually, do some basic editing, and take a much better picture than the average amateur out there. But that's it. Ultimately I want to never visit a Picture People again. I want to take beautiful photos of my kids, and maybe other people's. I just can't seem to find the time to learn what I need to learn and implement.
Cooking- I love to cook. I am pretty good at it. My new kitchen is huge and has semi-professional equipment. When I do have time to cook, the food is awesome. But I wish I had more time to try elaborate and gourmet recipes. I want time to experiment with new things. I kind of also want a prep chef and someone to clean up after me.
Sewing- I do not know anything about operating a sewing machine. But I wish I did. I just want to be able to sew a simple hem, make some throw pillows, that sort of thing. While we're on the topic- any recommendations for a good beginner's sewing machine?
Exercise- I'm not sure if this is a hobby, but it's something I semi-enjoy and wish I had more time to devote to. Out of all of my "hobbies," this one wins. I do work out at least 3 times a week, but gosh that's not enough. I probably devote the most time to it because it's more socially acceptable to be a sucky seamstress than it is to be a lard ass.
Craftiness in general- I love painting, scrap booking, reupholstering, etc. I did paint the whole playroom. It is about 99% done and I promise to take photos (albeit mediocre ones since I have no time to pursue photography) when it is totally finished. I wish i had more time for the little projects I think of from time to time.
While I'm listing the impossible, or at least the not very likely, let me just throw this one out there- learning to play a musical instrument. I started to learn piano at one point, but had to stop when I moved away from the piano. I wish I could play piano or even drums.
I also wish I had more time for this blog. Sigh.
The Timeline of the Nap
December 2006- January 2007, B.C. (Before Children)- I napped
January 2007- July 2007- No naps for Sophie or me (Gosh, those were fun times!)
July 2007- April 2008- 2 naps for Sophie, 0 for me
April 2008- February 2009- 1 nap for Sophie, 0 for me
February 2009- March 2009- 1 nap, accompanied by me to (a) transition her into her new room and bed, and (b) rest my 9 months pregnant self
March 2009- May 2009- 1 nap for Sophie, 4 naps for Lilah, sometimes a nap for me
May 2009- August 2009 - 1 nap for Sophie, 3 naps for Lilah, occasionally a nap for me
August 2009- May 2010- 1 nap for Sophie, 2 naps for Lilah, very rarely a nap for me
May 2010- 0 naps for Sophie, 1 nap for Lilah, maybe a couple of minutes alone in the bathroom for me if I'm lucky
And here's just a random question: At what point should one cease to hold out hope for something being "just a phase?"
January 2007- July 2007- No naps for Sophie or me (Gosh, those were fun times!)
July 2007- April 2008- 2 naps for Sophie, 0 for me
April 2008- February 2009- 1 nap for Sophie, 0 for me
February 2009- March 2009- 1 nap, accompanied by me to (a) transition her into her new room and bed, and (b) rest my 9 months pregnant self
March 2009- May 2009- 1 nap for Sophie, 4 naps for Lilah, sometimes a nap for me
May 2009- August 2009 - 1 nap for Sophie, 3 naps for Lilah, occasionally a nap for me
August 2009- May 2010- 1 nap for Sophie, 2 naps for Lilah, very rarely a nap for me
May 2010- 0 naps for Sophie, 1 nap for Lilah, maybe a couple of minutes alone in the bathroom for me if I'm lucky
And here's just a random question: At what point should one cease to hold out hope for something being "just a phase?"
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