Taking Pause

My children are growing up so fast. Too fast. Each observation I make about each child (of which there are many during the course of a day) could become an entire blog post in itself. I just can’t keep up. So I am forcing myself to take pause right now and record some observations.

Sophie:

I can’t believe that the Sophie I see now was once my tiny six pound baby. She is a big kid now. She is smart, mature, funny, caring, and helpful. If either Lilah or Jude (or both) is home with me, I prefer Sophie to stay home too. She can entertain and sooth Jude almost as well as a non-parent adult. In some ways she is like a third parent to him. He recognizes her. His face lights up when he sees or hears her, which, in turn, makes my face light up. She recently walked herself to a friend’s house. She had to cross one street that rarely sees a car and then walk a ways down. I could see her the whole time. I watched with a mixture of pride and disbelief as she proudly walked farther and farther away, until she skipped up her friend’s driveway. And my heart skipped a beat.

Lilah:

Lilah has always had a wonderful personality. She has always been sweet, smart, and easy-going. Her vocabulary has always blown listeners away. Her smile has always been contagious. Recently I have observed another quality: self assurance. When she walks into a crowd of people she throws her arms open and exclaims, “Lilah is here!” She knows she is well-liked. She lays on the charm- and it works. Sophie has picked up on this too, and often sends Lilah as an emissary to the parents when one is needed on behalf of the kids. She enjoys playing with both her sister and brother. She gets along with everyone. People often worry about “middle child syndrome” when there are three siblings, but I am not worried. The middle child in our family is laid-back, self-assured, and high-achieving.

Judah:

When people ask me what kind of a baby Jude is, I often say, “he doesn’t know he’s the third child.” I had expected my third child to follow in the footsteps of my second child, who seamlessly fit in with our existing family upon birth. I had hoped for a happy, quiet, and low-maintenance baby. He had other plans. I say he doesn’t know he is the third child, but maybe he does know. Maybe it is precisely because he is my third that he feels he needs to make himself heard. He doesn’t want to sit on the sidelines. He wants to be nursed, held, cuddled, and talked to. And why shouldn’t he be? Firstborn children get the benefit of undivided attention from their parents and research proves that it leads to higher IQ scores, greater success, and other advantages in life. Although Jude’s high demands often inconvenience me, I am proud of his determination and ambition. And I am grateful for the extra one-on-one time I am forced to have with him.

The Elusive Shower

I have always showered daily (or nightly). Always. First, because that’s how we did things in my family when I was growing up. Later, because it was ingrained in me. When I became a mother, because it was 20 minutes of peace that I did not feel guilty demanding. Plus, it seemed necessary with all of the sweat, milk, spit up, etc. I know not everyone showers daily. I know people have different reasons for choosing their shower schedules. I never fully understood why someone would choose not to shower daily (or so it seemed) - until now. I now know that some people intend to shower daily, and really want to, but it just doesn’t happen. These people are victims of the elusive shower. Sadly, I am one of these people from time to time. Here’s how it happens. I am typically a night showerer. However; I might, for some reason, take a shower one morning instead. That night, I’ll skip the shower because I just took one that morning. The next morning I become too busy (with kids, work, errands, appointments, etc.) to shower. I reason with myself that I will take a shower that night, which will put me back on my preferred nighttime shower schedule anyway. That night the kids may give me a difficult time going to bed and it might take until late at night to get all three asleep. I might decide to relax with a tv show. It might be so late at this point that I fall asleep. Without showering. The next morning I wake up and realize that it’s been too long since I’ve showered. But I might as well wait to shower until after I’ve worked out. Then- you guessed it- I get busy with the kids, work, errands, appointments, etc. At some point I realize it has been MORE THAN TWO DAYS SINCE I’VE SHOWERED. At which point I turn the tv on a kids’ show and leave all three kids, some or all of them crying, to their own devices while I shower. And that is how I, and many other well-meaning, hygiene-conscious people, am plagued by the elusive shower.

I Don't Know How She Does It

The first paragraph is the beginning of a post I started writing weeks, maybe months, ago, and just came across today.

A few years ago, my friend and I read the book, I Don't Know How She Does It. (Ironically, the movie based in the book came out a few months ago, but my friend and I gave up trying to find a way to see it.) Even though I think I only had one child at the time, the book really resonated with me. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom and trying to also be anything else is really hard. It can seem impossible at times. Now that I have three children and a new career I feel like I am floundering around in a sea of stress just one big wave away from drowning. I ask myself: How can I do it all? And I answer myself: I can't do it all. And what I can do, I don't always do well. But I do my best. And my best is pretty damn good. And I keep swimming.

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At some point I realize how far I’ve swam, even though it has been hard at times. I realize I haven’t flailed in a while (haven’t cried in a while!). I’m getting somewhere. I think I see some land ahead. I can swim on. I want to!

Every once in a while, like today, the swimming is easy, manageable, almost boring. It is the first day of Spring/Passover Break. I had not made plans for today, and worried we would all be bored and the girls would spend all day watching tv and fighting with each other. I had given up hopes of making it to a hockey game tonight, but given Shimmy my blessing to go ahead (not without feeling very jealous). I pictured a long, difficult day and night. And, yet, the opposite has happened. Sophie was invited out for a play date. Lilah, who has sadly been suffering from allergies all week, has been watching tv in a Benadryl coma. I gave her a mani/pedi and have been sitting with her, but she has required no real attention. Jude has been napping for the past three and a half hours (I keep checking on him- he’s fine!). I have finished all of my Passover preparations and I’m actually kind of bored (hence the blog post!). On days like today, the swimming is smooth indeed. “Doing it all” is doable. I’ll keep today in mind when a rough day of swimming is upon me again.