Late Night Feedings

Tales from the crib: life with Sophie, Lilah, and Jude
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Empty-Chair Technique (or Much to Stress About Nothing?)

empty-chair technique n. In Gestalt therapy, a technique in which the client switches between two chairs, acting out both sides of a conversation or argument with a spouse, relative, or other significant person. Also called chairwork.

I'm stressing. And I have a feeling it's about stupid stuff. So I'm going to attempt to reassure myself by employing the use of the empty-chair technique (with proper lumbar support, because man does my back hurt all the time). Plus, by even doing this I feel like my hard-earned Master's degree is not going to waste while it sits on a shelf idle during the current chapter of my life.

1. I have missed 2 weeks in a row of Music Together. Both because of sleepless nights. It just didn't make sense to make Sophie wake up after finally falling asleep in order to attend an "extra-curricular" activity. Shortly after this unit started we had to switch locations due to our schedule change at school. So instead of having a 5 minute drive, we now have a 25 minute drive. Meaning we spend as much time in the car as we do in the class. So let's just stop going altogether. Well I paid something like $150 for the session, so it seems like we need to get our money's worth. We can make up the missed classes, but we are busy almost every other day of the week. I guess we'll find a couple of weeks that we can double up and attend 2 classes. And if not, it's just money I guess. This will be our last session of Music Together. I'm going to stop stressing about it.

2. We should be on our way to school right now, but instead Sophie is feeding herself a bowl of cereal and milk and I am writing this post. Hey, at least she is feeding herself. Her self-feeding skills have really improved. Cereal and milk is probably one of the hardest things to self-feed. She had a rough night again (I'll get to why in a minute) and she felt feverish when she woke up. So I decided not to send her to school. If she seems better later, we'll go out and run some errands. Here's the annoying part- she has not been to school by herself all 3 days of any week since she started school. I don't mind her being home or tagging along on my errands, but I am now paying tuition at one of the most expensive schools here for her to stay home 25% of the time. Again, I guess it's just money. And she's only 2. And she will get through the rough nights and the colds and be in school consistently soon. I'm going to stop stressing about it.

3. I need a new camera. Ours broke almost as soon as we got to Las Vegas. I had wanted to replace ours anyways, it was way behind in technological advances. Well, now I am in dire need of one. I have already missed important photo ops. And we NEED one before the baby comes. I am trying to do all of the research, but I just don't know what to do. I really don't want to buy another "point and shoot," even though they are cheap and have come a long ways since we bought our old one. The SLR's are awesome, but pricey. Should I compromise and buy an older model SLR? Will I regret that as I learn more about photography? Should I just fork out the $1300 for the camera I really want? Is that an absurd amount of money to pay for a camera? I think in this case I need to just make a definite decision. I'll give myself the deadline of the end of this week. I'm going to research a bit more and then just buy one. I guess I'll just take comfort in knowing that a decision will be made and a camera will be bought in a few days.

4. There's not enough time to do ANYTHING. Sophie has been missing school, or I've had to hang out there with her, or school has been closed (who takes a 4 day weekend for President's Day?) so much that I really haven't had the 3 mornings a week that I thought I would have. I used to have 2-3 hours in the afternoon while Sophie napped, but for the past week and a half I've been napping with her to help her adjust to her new bed. I do feel better when I nap, but I'm not getting anything done! And some things are actually important, considering in another couple of weeks I won't have time for ANYTHING. I used to be able to clock out for the day around 8:30pm, have some time to get some things done, or at least unwind, before getting a couple decent chunks of sleep. For the past week and a half Sophie has been up at night and the more-than-"normal" sleep deprivation is killing me. It was so bad 2 nights ago that we just decided to start putting her to bed in her new room last night. It went okay. I stayed in there for an hour, then left to take a shower. When I got out, Shimmy was in there with her. He said she kept coming out, so he just took her hand and brought her back in. He ended up sleeping in there with her all night. I could hear them every hour on the monitor. Will we ever all sleep normally again? At least she slept in her bed all night. We had to start some time. Hopefully it will get easier each time and in a few days she'll be totally adjusted. I think I just need to resign myself to the fact that my sleeplessness started a month before the baby came instead of continuing to wish I could get more sleep now.

5. I was invited to a mom's night out tomorrow night, which I would love to go. But that means coming home after stroller shopping in Gaithersburg instead of going to my parents for dinner. Assuming Shimmy will even be home in time so that I can go. If we stay at my parents house, will Sophie take a nap? Do I have to lay with her in a bed there or can I put her in the crib? If we come back home afterwards, will we have missed her nap window? Will my dad be very disappointed that he didn't get to see Sophie? Do I even want to have to get dressed and go somewhere at 7:30 at night? I think I can totally play this one by ear. I will feel accomplished just getting to that store and choosing a stroller. Whatever happens after that doesn't really matter. I don't need to decide now, and I don't need to feel guilty about whatever decision I do end up making.

There are probably more things I am stressing about, but this has already taken an hour and a half. I think I do feel a little better about some things, though.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Progress!

There's nothing like being told by your doctor that you only have a few weeks left before D(elivery)-Day. This is what happened a week and a half ago. Up until that appointment I thought I had about 7 weeks. Long story short, at this point I probably have about 3. Way to light a fire under my ass. I had not yet acquired the nesting frenzy that comes when delivery is near. Oh sure, I had tackled lots of projects and come up with things I would like to do whenever I got a chance. But I had not yet awoken in the middle of the night to scrub the insides of the cabinets. So now I am in the middle of a kind of forced nesting. There are things that MUST be done before the baby comes and now I am scrambling around to get them done. It REALLY helps that Sophie is in school 3 mornings a week and that she loves being there. It REALLY does not help that she keeps waking up in the middle of the night for no good reason, causing me to get even less sleep than I have been. Regardless, I am making progress.

- We have completed Day *5* of successful napping in the big girl room! Sophie will only sleep in the trundle bed, not the actual bed, but I honestly don't care. As long as she is happy sleeping in her new room, she can sleep wherever she pleases. I also have not yet attempted to leave the room before she falls asleep, which I will need to do soon. For now I am perfectly content to nap with her. Sometimes it's just a 15 minute cat nap, after which I sneak out of the room. Yesterday I slept for close to 2 hours, which felt awesome. We are planning on starting bedtime in the new room this weekend. Wish us luck. Actually, wish Shimmy luck, because I am going to Sharon's house for a much-needed sleepover Saturday night. (I'm packing my jammies and mad libs!)

- I got my massage. Now this may not seem like something that NEEDED to get done before the baby comes, but let me explain. This was a massage I had won in LAST YEAR'S Purim Raffle. Somehow I never had time to redeem it. Pesach came right after Purim, then we were getting ready for Israel, then we were in Israel, then we were dealing with the remodel of the bathroom, then I got pregnant and didn't want to get a massage during the first trimester (it's not recommended, not going to get into why here), then I just couldn't find a free week until now! So I went and got my free massage. It was more like uncomfortably lying on my side in a cramped room of a pack rat's apartment. Said pack-rat spent an hour rubbing cheap lotion all over me and chatting with me about G-d knows what. It was a far cry from my usual massage by Sven at Elizabeth Arden Red Door Day Spa (not really his name, but a massage by a European gay man by any other name is just as sweet).

- I am in the middle of typing up my birth plan. It's not all that different from my last birth plan. Just adding and tweaking based on experience this time. I lost the file on my computer, so I am having to type it all from scratch.

- I picked out the baby's thank you notes at the stationary store today. I picked out one set if it's a girl and another if it's a boy and after the baby is born and named I will call the store and tell them which ones to order. Yes, we know what it is, but we're not telling. And it's a damn good thing too, because halfway through my sister-in-law walked in. Turns out, she WORKS THERE. Talk about being out of the loop.

- I still need to put the finishing touches on Sophie's new room. I just need to hang pictures and Shimmy needs to swap out some switches and outlets.

- I need to finish the baby's room. It still looks like Sophie's room (which it essentially is), so as soon as Sophie is all settled in her new room, I'll get to the redecorating! I have already bought what I needed to do this!

- I still need to buy/pick out Baby STUFF. In particular, I need to make a final decision on the double stroller. I am heading down to Gaithursburg tomorrow to the baby superstore of all superstores to test drive a few. The current frontrunner is the BOB Revolution. Which, with all of the added accessories, will end up costing about the same as a crappy used car.

- I need to make all final arrangements for D-day. I need to pack my bag, and even more importantly, make sure my mom packs hers. I am more concerned with Sophie being taken care of than I am concerned about myself. I need to have her clothes picked out, lunches packed, a detailed map of how to get from our house to her school and from our house to the hospital and from school to the hospital. I am getting really stressed just typing this.

- Finally, here's some of my physical progress:

34 weeks:



Once upon a time at 10 weeks:

Monday, February 16, 2009

Deal or No Deal?

Is it just me or are coupons sometimes a bigger pain in the ass than they are worth?

I should preface this post by saying that I clip coupons from the Sunday paper as well as save the ones that come in the mail. I have an organizer and group the coupons into: food, toiletries, baby items, and other. I use them a couple of different ways. I either pull out what I need based on my shopping list, or I check expiration dates and try to use the "good" ones before they expire.

I am all for saving a buck here and there, but sometimes it just isn't worth it. I'm not even talking about the coupons that are complete BS, like the ones that are 50 cents off two packs of something. Please. That's not even worth the effort of cutting it out. I'm talking about legitimate coupons that completely stress me out. Two examples from today.

1. I got a coupon in the mail the other for a free tote from DSW with a purchase of $24.95 or more. It's really easy to spend this in a shoe store; it's pretty much a pair of shoes off the clearance rack. Shimmy happens to need new shoes, so this was perfect. This is exactly how I got the bag that I currently use. I love my bag and it was free! So I decided to go all the way out to DSW today. It's not just around the corner and I didn't really have much else I needed to do in that part of town. It's President's Day, so Sophie is off of school, so she had to come along with her very runny nose. When I pulled into the parking lot, I took out my coupon and realized that it is only valid from 2/19-2/22. So I drove all the way out there for nothing, and will have to drive out there again sometime between Thursday and Sunday. GRRRRRR

2. At the grocery store I decided to pick up some chumus because I knew I had a coupon that was about to expire. It was $1.50 off, which is actually an awesome coupon. When I got to the check out line I pulled out my coupon organizer, but that coupon was nowhere to be found. I was annoyed, but since chumus is a staple around here anyways, I just paid full price and decided to forget about it. When I got home I reached into my pocket for a tissue and lo and behold, there was the chumus coupon. I have no idea when I put it in my pocket, definitely not today. But it had been with me all along, probably laughing to itself the whole time I was searching for it and then paying for the chumus.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder exactly how much I am actually saving.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

PS

PS: It was my birthday on Saturday. I'm 27, which actually sounds young to me. Most of my friends are older than me, which keeps me feeling young (and hey, 30 is still 3 years away). Plus, I had pretty much accomplished all of my major goals in life by the time I was 25, so the rest is just icing on the cake.

Also, to add to the back to reality feeling:
- realize Monday morning that Sophie's coat must have been left at my parents', so make plans to go pick it up the next day
- realize this means I can go back to Govinda Gallery in Georgetown with my dad to pick up HIS Beatles print (see previous post entitled A Day in the Life) if I can fathom driving 45 min to Silver Spring to drop off Sophie, drive another 45 min to Georgetown to meet my dad, drive in rush hour traffic back to Silver Spring to pick up Sophie, and then drive back home to Baltimore
- decide to go for it since my mom has offered to make me a birthday cake and buy me a gallon of milk, which will allow me to hold off on grocery shopping another day (we're out of toilet paper too, but we do have tissues)
- drive Sophie to music class (which has been moved to a new location almost 30 min away), run one errand, drive to SS, give Sophie lunch and ask my mom to put her down for a nap, decide to take the metro from SS to Georgetown (smart move), have my dad pick me up, have a great time at the gallery and even get a free autographed book from the owner because he likes pregnant women, drive back to SS with my dad for dinner and birthday cake, and then head home
- arrive home around 8pm exhausted and realize that for the second time this month the cleaning lady has been locked out and wasn't able to clean today

I'm hoping today will be the start of getting things back under control here. I left a miserable Sophie alone at school this morning, and then bawled like a baby myself in my car for a long time. I went to the grocery store, so we now have food and toilet paper again. Shimmy is back from NY and working from home today, which is always nice. The cleaning lady called and is coming tomorrow. And she now has more specific instructions on what to do should she ever get locked out again. I went to pick up Sophie an hour early in case she never warmed up, but she just gave me a hug and then went back to painting and playing with friends. I sat in the corner and watched her for an hour. Friday she is staying all day by herself even if there is a tearful good-bye! I probably cried longer than she did this morning.

I still have a long list of things to do, but I think, I think I just might be able to tackle it. And Barbara, I will call you back. I promise. I love you!

Monday, February 2, 2009

One Last Getaway... and then Reality in all its Craziness

I need to preface this post by saying that I am utterly exhausted. I have a list of things I need to do that is a mile long. Most things on that list are not important (this post being one of them). However, I need to start somewhere. Tonight, a long overdue post and possibly replying to some emails. Tomorrow, grocery shopping, bill paying, and maybe returning phone calls to some people who may or may not still be my friends at this point.

So this past weekend Shimmy and I went to Las Vegas for a much needed getaway. We saw Love, which was amazing, and Jerry Seinfeld, who seriously almost made me pee my pants (even more than usual). The weather was awesomely mild- mid-60's and sunny. We spent all shabbat day in bed sleeping and reading. I want to cry with longing as I remember that for the first 4 years of our marriage that's how we spent every shabbat.

And then we came home. We arrived back in Baltimore late Sunday night and the wintery cold slapped me in the face. Somehow my body had set itself to west coast time just in time to leave, so I was all out of whack. I got almost no sleep Sunday night. Monday morning Shimmy packed up and left for NY on business. I saw Sophie for the first time since Thursday morning. (She had been staying with my parents while we were away, but my sister brought her home Sunday night, put her to bed here, and waited for us to come home so that Sophie would be able to go to school the next morning.) We hurriedly got ready and left for school. Sophie had not been at school since the previous Monday. Wednesday school was closed- stupid snow day- and Friday she was with my parents, who do not live here. So I really couldn't blame her for not wanting to be left somewhere she hadn't been in a week after also not seeing me for a good 4 days. At some point I said "screw it," and sat at the table with her. We stayed at school for an hour and a half together and then both went home. I had planned on going to the grocery store while she was at school, so that got abandoned (we now have NO food in our house). Instead, we just played all afternoon. One game in particular was fun while it lasted. I was folding laundry in my room, while Sophie played in my walk-in closet. She would go in, close the door, knock on it, say "come in," and then open it. Until she couldn't open it. I heard her rattling the knob and saying "Mommy open!" And then I saw it- a keyhole on the outside of the door. Why my walk-in closet had a door that locked and could only be opened by a key (Key? What key? I have never seen this key in my life.) I could not tell you. But I knew at once that Sophie had somehow locked herself inside. I was pretty calm at first. She's a smart cookie and I thought I could just explain how to turn the lock. That did not work. I tried picking the lock with several objects, but that didn't work either. I tried breaking into the door jam with several objects. Didn't work. By this point Sophie was starting to panic and listening to her favorite TV shows through the door was not helping anymore (but thank goodness for On Demand). So I called our friendly neighborhood locksmith and within 5 minutes he was here and within another 5 minutes he had the door opened. Sophie was beyond freaked out to see a strange man pop through the door, but she was otherwise okay. I had him completely remove that damn door knob. After the stressful day Sophie had had I didn't even argue with her when she insisted that she wanted pancakes for dinner.

They say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Apparently, for some of us, that applies to rest and relaxation as well. My getaway is already a fading memory. And in approximately 7 weeks when I am lost in a fog of exhaustion (the kind that will make my current state of exhaustion seem trivial) and deaf from the cries of a newborn and a toddler, I'm sure I will have no recollection of my getaway at all.