Guilty, but Productive

I did something today I never thought I'd do. And never did with Sophie. I began Day One of what will hopefully be a long term arrangement of a babysitter for Lilah two mornings a week for 2-3 hours. To me, being a stay at home mom means just that. It means I have consciously decided to do nothing but stay at home with my kids (while they are home, meaning before they begin attending school). It is quite the sacrifice. It has become too much of a sacrifice lately. Lilah has turned into a busy baby. Our house is the great uncharted Western territories and she is Lewis and/or Clark. And if you've ever been to my house you understand that this is only a slight exaggeration. Every electrical outlet, plant, food item in the pantry, door stop, magnet, etc. must be inspected, tasted, and partially broken. In short, she needs constant supervision. And in order for me to provide it, I cannot do anything else including using the bathroom. I began slacking off in all areas- cooking, cleaning, exercising, and yard work. Not to mention things I actually enjoy like conversing with other adults. So I made the plunge. I found a nice, responsible 18 year old with a wonderful personality and her own car. And this morning went off without a hitch. Lilah had someone to play with her and give her undivided attention for nearly three solid hours. And I accomplished the equivalent of what I accomplished during the entirety of last week. I do feel a little guilty. Actually, a lot guilty. When the babysitter said to me, "she is SUCH an easy baby" (because she has such a sweet, easy-going personality and IS easy when you are watching her like a hawk) I sort of stammered some lame excuse about why I needed a babysitter. I never would have thought I would have hired one. And it would never have worked with Sophie- she wasn't as exploratory as Lilah is, and she also was not as easy-going. If someone needed to be giving her undivided attention, that someone needed to be me, which she made quite clear. Lilah could not care less who is playing with her, as long as someone is playing with her. Hiring a babysitter seems to have been the right decision for us at this time and that's what matters. That's all that ever matters, really. That's what I have learned most about parenting, and is, in fact the "advice" I give new and future parents who ask for it. What works for one parent and child is not necessarily what will work for you. You have to trust your instincts and find your groove, even when it means second-guessing what you thought you believed at a different time in your life. When it comes down to it, it's all about survival. And right now, this babysitting arrangement is helping us survive a little better than before.