I have been so unbelievably exhausted lately.  I have been getting about 9 hours of sleep at night, but by the time Sophie's nap time rolls around (sometime around 1pm or 2pm) I am beat again.  And if I don't nap when she does (because let's face it, when else am I going to get any time alone?) then by 5pm I am so tired I literally start to cry.  I remember this happening last time too, but I stopped working around now and didn't have a 2 year old to take care of.  Last night by 6:30pm I felt like I was falling asleep at the wheel.  Luckily Shimmy had been home all day, so I told him I couldn't handle it anymore and went to lay down.  But, even if someone else is around to hang out with Sophie, unless she is also sleeping, I cannot fall asleep.  My guilt keeps me up.  I don't know why I feel less guilty about stumbling around and crying from fatigue while she tries to play with me.  It makes a lot more sense to allow myself to take a cat nap.  I don't understand the mommy guilt, I just give into it.  (This could turn into a whole post in of itself.)  BUT, last night as I was trying to ignore the guilt and go to sleep, this is what I heard:
Sophie:  "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!"
Shimmy:  "Leave Mommy alone.  She's taking a nap.  She's very tired.  It's hard work growing a baby.  You don't know, you've never done it before."
Feeling elated that Shimmy totally "got" me and didn't seem to think I was just slacking off, my guilt melted away and I took a nap with a smile on my face.
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1 comment:
what a beautiful post, batsheva! i totally have that mommy guilt thing going on when someone else is watching him. but it's nice to know our husbands get us most of the time. i hope you get lots of rest this weekend. thanks for the great post!
rina
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