Just Call Me Ti-84

That's right- I'm a calculator. Not in the sense that I can do crazy math in my head. But in the sense that I am constantly adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing in order to make sure everything runs smoothly around here. Let me tell you- it's exhausting. The mental energy that goes into mothering wears me out- and stresses me out- far more than any job I ever had. And I'm a therapist. That takes TONS OF MENTAL ENERGY. Like many mothers, most of the decision making falls on me. This is nice, because it gives me the power to plan things and see them through the way I think they should go. However, with great power comes great responsibility (and stress, frustration, and anxiety). I am CONSTANTLY calculating everything throughout our day. From the second Lilah wakes up I calculate if I have enough time to nurse her (and if I do, just one side or both?) before Sophie wakes up. Did Lilah eat enough and is there enough left to pump out and save for later? Do I have enough time to do anything for myself this morning? No? It's cool, I'll brush my teeth when I get back home. As soon as I drop Sophie off at camp the very short hour glass starts running. Does Lilah need to eat again? How many errands do I have time to run? Will Lilah take her nap on the go, or be miserably tired until we get back home? After I pick up Sophie I have to prioritize who I need to feed first. Can Lilah wait until I get Sophie situated with lunch, or do I need to nurse her and listen to Sophie whine? Now who do I put down for a nap first? If it's Sophie, then Lilah will have to play by herself, or sit quietly on my lap while I read Sophie stories. If I put Lilah down first, then will Sophie go to sleep quickly so that they are both asleep at the same time? Sometimes, by the time Sophie falls asleep (after reading, playing, and talking to herself for what can be up to an hour) Lilah is up again. This means I have no time for a proper lunch or treadmill time that day :( If I really need to work out and Lilah is awake, how long of a work out can I get in before she stops being entertained by her own hands and feet in her swing? And once she does cease to be entertained, how long can I let her fuss before I am considered to be an evil and selfish mother? When is Shimmy coming home? He says he'll be home in time for dinner... Assuming I find time to juggle both kids while I cook something, how long do I make Sophie (and myself) wait to eat? It's nice to eat as a family, but we're hungry! And there's a 50% chance he'll be delayed for another hour OR MORE. After dinner starts the sleep calculator with Lilah. She's tired, but if I let her nap will that screw up her night's sleep? If I do let her nap, how long before I wake her up? I know I should wake her up, but I have to give Sophie a bath and put her to bed and it's sooo much easier to do that if Lilah is sleeping instead of crying because she's tired and I can't hold her. But now I'll pay for that convenience when she's up at 5 am. And this is just the framework of our week days. I'm constantly calculating bodily functions, activities (i.e., how much TV Sophie has watched today already), when I can sneak in a shower (I average 5 stinky hours between treadmill and shower), etc. etc. etc.

If I WAS an actual calculator you can bet I'd have smoke coming out of me by now. What is MOST stressful about all of my calculating is when other people minimize it, saying things like, "IT'S NO BIG DEAL." And "WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO SUCH AND SUCH?" ("because," I tell them, "then this, that, and the other will get screwed up.")

So, yea, great power comes with great responsibility. I'm getting tired of being a calculator, although I know it's quite necessary. I'd just like to take a short break. Is it possible to take a break from your own brain?

Showcase of My Kids' Rooms

Many months ago I went on and on and on about decorating Sophie's new room and the new baby (whom we all now know as Lilah)'s room. I never ended up posting the final results! So here they are, my kids' room:


Sophie's room:

I painted the chair and recovered it to match her room. Now I'm wishing I had taken a closeup of it.
Her own art work, framed:


Lilah's room:

Not a whole lot to say. It is essentially Sophie's old room, with a few changes here and there. I had the tablecloths custom made to match the bedding, as best I could.

It IS Easy Being Green (well, most of the time)

Over the past year or so I have caught the green bug along with everyone else (thank you, Al Gore). I have always tried to be energy efficient. I have been recycling as long as I can remember. Even when it meant bringing my make shift recycling bin in the trunk of my car on my 45 minute commute to school and then sorting it according to specific material at the University of Maryland Recycling Center. It was over the past year, though, that I really got serious. Some changes have been easy ones, while others force me to remind myself a daily basis why I have made them. Here's a quick run down of those changes and how I feel about them:

Reusable grocery bags- I love that I did this. I love it so much that even when all of my bags got ruined by spilled oil in the back of the car, I bought new ones. They hold more than regular grocery bags, they cannot break, I can carry more at a time by wearing the straps on my shoulders, PLUS my grocery store deducts 5 cents from the bill for every bag used.

Rechargeable batteries- I HATE them. They are expensive, they do not hold a charge for very long AT ALL, and half the time they don't charge when I try to charge them. When it's for something important (like my camera) I have resorted back to the regular batteries.

Fluorescent light bulbs- They are ugly and cost a little more, but they do seem to last a lot longer, and supposedly use less energy.

No more paper/plastic dishes and cutlery- Glad I did this, but hate the fact that I am constantly washing dishes. One day, when I have a second dishwasher, this won't be an issue.

These are all relatively small changes that hopefully make some sort of difference. I'm not willing to give up my SUV or switch to disposable diapers, but I can handle the small stuff.

Conversations With a Two-Year-Old

Shimmy (to me): What time is it?
Sophie: 17

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Sophie: Where is Shimmy?
Me: I don't know. Where is Shimmy?
Sophie: He's at my house.

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Sophie: I need juice, please!
Me: I can't help you right now. I'm on the treadmill.
Sophie: I'm going to go ask my DAD for some juice! OKAY?!

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Sophie: Robert! Robert! Robert! ROOOBEERRRTTT!!!!!
My dad: Yes?
Sophie: Whatcha doin, Robert?

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Me: Sophie, whose Mommy is that?
Sophie: That's Maddy's Mommy. (long pause, then points and says:) That's my Mommy! That's my Daddy! That's my baby! That's my Mommy's car!

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To be continued...

Three Months!

Here Comes Trouble- at least that's what we thought when we were waiting for the arrival of baby #2. Thank God, Lilah has been anything but trouble. From the moment she entered this world she has been nothing but a sweet, precious, adorable delight. Just thinking about her warms my heart and makes me smile. Although I had been excited to have another child, part of me was really scared. It's different with subsequent babies than it is with the first. When I was pregnant with Sophie I feared nothing. I thought only of the snuggling, nursing, and gazing into each other's eyes that would constitute our days together. Obviously I was in for a rude awakening, but there is truly no way to mentally prepare for your first child. So having been to hell and back with a newborn once before, I was not looking forward to experiencing the hard parts again. Whenever I would think about how difficult it was going to be to have a newborn (plus a two year old!) I would just tell myself that the first three months would be hell, but that was as hard as it would be, and after the first three months everything would start to get a lot easier. If these past three months were the hardest, then I consider myself lucky indeed. Early on, Lilah seemed to fall into the rhythm of our family as if to prove to us that there was nothing to worry about- that she could keep up with us just fine.
In addition to keeping up with us and being a very cute addition to our family, Lilah has grown and learned a lot over the past three months! She smiles and "talks" all the time! She is an awesome nurser and probably weighs about 15 lbs. She has been in size six months clothes since she was two months old. She has rolled from tummy to back (though not for a while), and looks as if she will roll from back to tummy any day now. She is now sleeping nine hours straight most nights, and then goes back to sleep for another three hours. She takes two long naps during the day and sometimes a couple of cat naps too. She reaches for, and grabs a hold of whatever she wants which includes both toys and my hair. She loves her big sister, even when she screams in her ear and crowds her on her play mat. Speaking of her big sister, here is a picture of Sophie wearing the same shirt on the same mat (she is fivemonths old here, but the same size as Lilah is now):


So, to sum up, life has basically been awesome these past three months, and I can't wait for it to get even better!