Taking Pause

My children are growing up so fast. Too fast. Each observation I make about each child (of which there are many during the course of a day) could become an entire blog post in itself. I just can’t keep up. So I am forcing myself to take pause right now and record some observations.

Sophie:

I can’t believe that the Sophie I see now was once my tiny six pound baby. She is a big kid now. She is smart, mature, funny, caring, and helpful. If either Lilah or Jude (or both) is home with me, I prefer Sophie to stay home too. She can entertain and sooth Jude almost as well as a non-parent adult. In some ways she is like a third parent to him. He recognizes her. His face lights up when he sees or hears her, which, in turn, makes my face light up. She recently walked herself to a friend’s house. She had to cross one street that rarely sees a car and then walk a ways down. I could see her the whole time. I watched with a mixture of pride and disbelief as she proudly walked farther and farther away, until she skipped up her friend’s driveway. And my heart skipped a beat.

Lilah:

Lilah has always had a wonderful personality. She has always been sweet, smart, and easy-going. Her vocabulary has always blown listeners away. Her smile has always been contagious. Recently I have observed another quality: self assurance. When she walks into a crowd of people she throws her arms open and exclaims, “Lilah is here!” She knows she is well-liked. She lays on the charm- and it works. Sophie has picked up on this too, and often sends Lilah as an emissary to the parents when one is needed on behalf of the kids. She enjoys playing with both her sister and brother. She gets along with everyone. People often worry about “middle child syndrome” when there are three siblings, but I am not worried. The middle child in our family is laid-back, self-assured, and high-achieving.

Judah:

When people ask me what kind of a baby Jude is, I often say, “he doesn’t know he’s the third child.” I had expected my third child to follow in the footsteps of my second child, who seamlessly fit in with our existing family upon birth. I had hoped for a happy, quiet, and low-maintenance baby. He had other plans. I say he doesn’t know he is the third child, but maybe he does know. Maybe it is precisely because he is my third that he feels he needs to make himself heard. He doesn’t want to sit on the sidelines. He wants to be nursed, held, cuddled, and talked to. And why shouldn’t he be? Firstborn children get the benefit of undivided attention from their parents and research proves that it leads to higher IQ scores, greater success, and other advantages in life. Although Jude’s high demands often inconvenience me, I am proud of his determination and ambition. And I am grateful for the extra one-on-one time I am forced to have with him.

The Elusive Shower

I have always showered daily (or nightly). Always. First, because that’s how we did things in my family when I was growing up. Later, because it was ingrained in me. When I became a mother, because it was 20 minutes of peace that I did not feel guilty demanding. Plus, it seemed necessary with all of the sweat, milk, spit up, etc. I know not everyone showers daily. I know people have different reasons for choosing their shower schedules. I never fully understood why someone would choose not to shower daily (or so it seemed) - until now. I now know that some people intend to shower daily, and really want to, but it just doesn’t happen. These people are victims of the elusive shower. Sadly, I am one of these people from time to time. Here’s how it happens. I am typically a night showerer. However; I might, for some reason, take a shower one morning instead. That night, I’ll skip the shower because I just took one that morning. The next morning I become too busy (with kids, work, errands, appointments, etc.) to shower. I reason with myself that I will take a shower that night, which will put me back on my preferred nighttime shower schedule anyway. That night the kids may give me a difficult time going to bed and it might take until late at night to get all three asleep. I might decide to relax with a tv show. It might be so late at this point that I fall asleep. Without showering. The next morning I wake up and realize that it’s been too long since I’ve showered. But I might as well wait to shower until after I’ve worked out. Then- you guessed it- I get busy with the kids, work, errands, appointments, etc. At some point I realize it has been MORE THAN TWO DAYS SINCE I’VE SHOWERED. At which point I turn the tv on a kids’ show and leave all three kids, some or all of them crying, to their own devices while I shower. And that is how I, and many other well-meaning, hygiene-conscious people, am plagued by the elusive shower.

I Don't Know How She Does It

The first paragraph is the beginning of a post I started writing weeks, maybe months, ago, and just came across today.

A few years ago, my friend and I read the book, I Don't Know How She Does It. (Ironically, the movie based in the book came out a few months ago, but my friend and I gave up trying to find a way to see it.) Even though I think I only had one child at the time, the book really resonated with me. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom and trying to also be anything else is really hard. It can seem impossible at times. Now that I have three children and a new career I feel like I am floundering around in a sea of stress just one big wave away from drowning. I ask myself: How can I do it all? And I answer myself: I can't do it all. And what I can do, I don't always do well. But I do my best. And my best is pretty damn good. And I keep swimming.

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At some point I realize how far I’ve swam, even though it has been hard at times. I realize I haven’t flailed in a while (haven’t cried in a while!). I’m getting somewhere. I think I see some land ahead. I can swim on. I want to!

Every once in a while, like today, the swimming is easy, manageable, almost boring. It is the first day of Spring/Passover Break. I had not made plans for today, and worried we would all be bored and the girls would spend all day watching tv and fighting with each other. I had given up hopes of making it to a hockey game tonight, but given Shimmy my blessing to go ahead (not without feeling very jealous). I pictured a long, difficult day and night. And, yet, the opposite has happened. Sophie was invited out for a play date. Lilah, who has sadly been suffering from allergies all week, has been watching tv in a Benadryl coma. I gave her a mani/pedi and have been sitting with her, but she has required no real attention. Jude has been napping for the past three and a half hours (I keep checking on him- he’s fine!). I have finished all of my Passover preparations and I’m actually kind of bored (hence the blog post!). On days like today, the swimming is smooth indeed. “Doing it all” is doable. I’ll keep today in mind when a rough day of swimming is upon me again.

Finally

Well, it took five months, but we are finally there. Jude is finally on a good schedule: Three naps during the day, and only waking once during the night. He is a happy guy for the most part, smiling, giggling, "talking," and as of two days ago, sitting unassisted! He's in my very favorite baby stage and I have even caught myself thinking about future babies (and then quickly silencing those thoughts- my GOSH hormones are good at tricking us into things, aren't they?!?).

I managed fine without a babysitter for three weeks, although I fell pretty behind with my course work and prayed I would not get any new business. So, as of yesterday, we have a new twice weekly sitter. I like her a lot and so do the kids.

I am finally in a good place with diet and exercise. I still have about eight pounds to go, but I'm feeling good about how far I've gotten. I know the rest will come off soon. Plus, my hair has finally stopped falling out in its typical scary postpartum clumps. So THAT's good.

The last of the construction (all outside) is finally back underway, after a mysterious four month hiatus.

I am finally able to host a long-overdue and much-anticipated couples night this Saturday night. The girls will be at my parents' house and Jude is finally going to sleep at a normal time!

Spring is finally here. Thankfully, Winter was mild, but it's still nice to feel warm temperatures and see flowers blooming!

Finally, here are some recent pics:



Purim: The kids were the three little pigs


Purim: The Mr. and I were "Shamy" from The Big Bang Theory


One sad little piggy :(


Before the CAPS game last Sunday


5 months yesterday!


He is already tall enough for his feet to stand flat at the bottom of the exersaucer!

Unhelpful

A few months ago I blogged about how I had thrown in the towel and hired a babysitter. At the time, the times that she was coming were not the most helpful. I decided to continue having her babysit because I was sure that some help was better than none. I also wanted to have her be a familiar face so that my kids would be comfortable with her if I ever needed her for a late night when she would need to put the kids to bed.

A couple of weeks later the babysitter said she had decided to quit her other job and could come babysit for us 3 afternoon/evenings a week from 4pm-8pm. This was perfect. I thought I could use that time to work on my course assignments. Or go to the grocery store alone. Or both! This worked out great for a while, but not without its kinks. She was always either late or could not come at all. I was quite used to this from her. She had been this way since she first started babysitting for us last May (after our former babysitter- who was AMAZING- left to study abroad). She canceled on me the night before the very first day she was supposed to come. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled and I think either Shimmy had to stay home from work or my mom had to drive up here (she lives 45 minutes away). I should have known then that this girl was not the most responsible. When we asked her to sleep over during the weekend we were out of town for my cousin's wedding I waited for the last possible day to book hotel and airfare because I was sure she would cancel last minute. (Thankfully she did not.) I've tried to talk to her about the importance of being on time and reliable. I've explained to her that I cannot make plans when I'm not sure if she will be here on time. She seems to think that she is very responsible and reliable but that things come up once in a while. The problem is that it's not once in a while, it's EVERY FREAKING DAY.

Two weeks ago she said she had decided to take a class that had opened up during the evenings that she babysat for us. She texted me this a couple of hours before she was supposed to be here. I thought that was the end and started to look for someone else. Then she decided she could still babysit here one day 4-8 and one day 1:30-5:30. That would have worked well enough for me. But this never happened. She was always either late or she couldn't come altogether. I cannot express what a nightmare it was trying to schedule things with a babysitter who is so unreliable. Saving errands, a work out, etc. for a time that I had scheduled a babysitter only to have her cancel is one thing. But scheduling actual important meetings, doctor's appointments, etc. to then have to cancel them when she did not show up is quite another. Still I didn't fire her. I continued to look for a new babysitter while tolerating this one. I still reasoned with myself that unreliable help was better than no help at all. Plus, the kids do like her and it's good to keep them familiar with her for those occasional late nights, blah blah blah. Not only have I tolerated her unreliability, but I also let her sleep over when she has an early class the next day. I have let her do her laundry here. I have let her bring her dog here when she needed to. I feed her dinner every time she is here. If I cook, I make sure there is enough for her. If I order take out, I order her her own meal. Around Christmas and her birthday I pay her extra. I am a great person to work for. I always try to show people my appreciation.

However, today was the last straw. On Monday I texted her in the morning to make sure she was still coming that afternoon (which, I should not have to do at all, but I like to avoid last minute surprises). She said she would not be able to come, but would be here today. I texted her this morning and she said she would be here at 1:30. I planned my day accordingly. At 1, she text saying she would be here at 2:30. At 2:30 she texted to say she was on the way. At 3pm, when I realized that Sophie was now standing outside of school waiting for me to pick her up, I called the babysitter hoping she would say she was 1 minute away. She was 20 minutes away. I told her not to bother coming and to please call me later to discuss our situation. I woke Jude up and put him and a barefoot Lilah in the car and raced to get Sophie. This was two hours ago and I am still shaking with anger.

And, yet, when I call her (because I am sure she will not call me), I know she won't think she is at fault for anything. I know she will apologize and make empty promises to be here every time from now on. I know it will be tempting to try to believe her. But I'm pretty sure we are past the point of "any help is better than none." Because this situation with this babysitter is just plain unhelpful.

Where Have I Been?!?

In a word, busy.

In more words: working hard to earn a diploma in interior design, creating a website for my interior design business, throwing Sophie a 5th birthday party, volunteering for the kids' school events, turning 30, recovering from turning 30, plus the usual struggling to survive each day with the kids. Here they are by the way:



Do not be fooled by their sweet faces and coordinated outfits. They are tough customers. More on them when I get another few minutes to breathe. Although, by then, they will probably have gotten much older.

There Is No Guilt On The Other Hand

Today I showed up to a play date for kids and moms in Sophie’s class with all three of my kids in tow. They were the only siblings there. We were the last to arrive. I was a sweaty mess from my morning workout. I spent most my time there nursing. On the other hand, Sophie had a great time.

When we got home, I broke my own rule of letting the girls watch only three tv shows a day, so I could get all of the Shabbat cooking done. On the other hand, they watched nicely together and there has been very little arguing. I even heard some happy discussion and giggling coming from the play room.

While I cooked, I put a fussy Jude in the bumbo on the counter next to me. He fell asleep in the bumbo and I did not move him out, even though I was worried about his head/neck being slumped in that position. On the other hand, he seemed comfortable enough to take a nice little nap.

When he woke up, he spit up all over himself and pooped. I was too busy to clean him up right away. On the other hand, he didn’t seem to mind. Before I took him out to change him, he even smiled and playfully kicked his feet at me.

Right now the house is looking a little more cluttered than I would like it to. I still have a couple more things to cook. The girls are going on hour three of straight tv-watching. Shimmy is holed up in his office, working. On the other hand, we are all home together, my dad is on his way over, and we’re going to have an enjoyable weekend.

Here’s to a very happy and healthy new year. May 2012 be wonderful, exciting, peaceful, fulfilling, and guilt-free!