Yom Kippur (Ex Post Facto)

Yom Kippur: The Day of Atonement.
Not one of my favorite holidays. I dread it every year and feel an immense sense of relief as soon as it's over. I don't dread it just because it means refraining from any food or drink (including water) for 25 hours, although that in itself is very difficult, especially with two young children to feed and entertain. I dread it because of what it actually is- atonement through reflection and introspection. It's a daunting task to look back over the past year and scrutinize my errors in judgment. Particularly since I do this pretty much every day and after every major interaction I have with another person. Because I am so self-critical in this way, I rarely ignore these errors in judgment. I try to ask forgiveness right away. I don't like to leave things feeling uncomfortable. The guilt gnaws at me and physically corrodes the lining of my stomach until I make things "right." But before Yom Kippur I go back and scrutinize everything again. And even the stituations I previously amended make me feel horrible all over again. I'm not one to make the blanket "if I have offended anyone over the past year, please forgive me" statement. Some people do, and I can appreciate it and respect their attempt to wipe the slate clean in that way. Personally, though, I don't feel satisfied in making that statement. I don't feel atoned or "right" about things unless I go to the specific person I know that I've offended and ask them personally and specifically for forgiveness. It's much harder to do it my way, but it makes me feel better when it's over. And then Yom Kippur arrives. I spend the day fasting, praying (albeit from home this year since Lilah's schedule would not cooperate to allow me to go to synagogue), and repenting. At the end of the day, I know that God has forgiven me and I can move forward once again, trying to be the best me I possibly can. I can only hope that if God is so gracious, people can be too. As my former boss used to say about people, "they're just trying to get by." We're all just trying to get by. In our own very busy lives, with our own many difficult demands. I hope that in trying to get by, we stop to consider everyone else that is trying to do the same. And if we err in judgment, that those we err will also remember that we're all just trying to get by. May the coming year be one filled with good health, happiness, peace, and personal fulfillment. May we all be the best people we can be and may all of our dreams come true.

Bought and Sold

... or the other way around. Yesterday was a busy day. We sold our house in the morning and bought our new house in the afternoon. It was slightly anticlimactic, as we are not actually moving into the new house for 4-6 months. But it was still filled with emotion. Namely, elation and thankfulness that we not only bought our dream house, but sold our current house in a matter of weeks after putting it on the market. I really feel, and have felt all along, that our new house was meant to be ours. Everyone has a dream house. A house you picture when you close your eyes. One that is perfect- to you and for you. For me, this is my dream house. When I would close my eyes, I would picture THIS house. When we first saw the house, my heart beat fast and I felt a little dizzy. This is the house, I heard a voice say. And so I knew, and trusted in God, the Universe, and everything else, that everything would work out. It would work out. It would all be fine. It would be our house. Because it WAS our house- meant to be ours. It helped me stay calm for the past 11 months since we first saw it. It helped me stay calm when I heard of the other offers for the house. It helped me stay calm during the record-breaking length of the home inspection. It helped me stay calm when we waited to sell our current house. Everything was going to work out. And it did. I own my dream house. The house I will make practical and beautiful for my family. The house where I will raise my children. The house where we will all spend many, many wonderful years. It is where we will live happily ever after. And that thought brings me such feelings of joy, gratitude, and calmness.

Even More Conversations With A Two-Year-Old

I thought I'd take a break from my stressful pre-Rosh HaShanah, house stuff, feeling miserable from a cold week and share the most recent quotable quotes from Sophie:

(to Lilah): "Oh, I like your armpits."

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Sophie (while I am having a conversation with another adult): "Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me."
Me, picking her up: "Thank you for saying 'excuse me.' That's very polite. Is there something you wanted to tell me?"
Sophie: "Oh, no. I just burped."

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Me: "If you do x, you can have a cookie." (I know, I know. Occassionally I resort to bribery.)
Sophie: "A cookie- yay!"
Me: "Yes, but just one."
Sophie: "How 'bout 8?"

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"What time is it?" (She cannot tell time, but asks me this several times a day!)

To be continued...

The thing about having a blog is...

The thing about having a blog is that it is a personal venue through which the author can express his or her own personal beliefs, opinions, and experiences. No one forces you to read it. In my personal experience, I started this blog as a way to document my experience as a new mother. It was mostly intended for myself. I didn't expect an audience. If you heard about this blog from me, then we are close friends. If you have something to say to me, say it to my face. And if you came here referred by someone else, I don't know you and don't need to have a conversation with you about my personal opinions.

Regarding a previous post. It is an opinion based on personal observation about a type of climate that exists at a school that I NEVER MENTIONED BY NAME. It is a generalization, but not one that I wish my children to become a part of. It is the ONLY reason my children are not at that school. Because it is otherwise an outstanding and superb institution. I thought I was pretty clear about that. I know many wonderful people who went to school there- some of them good friends. If you know me personally, you will know how for the past several months I have ached over this decision.

The hateful comments are unnecessary and unwelcome.

Good-bye, Summer. Hello, Fall.

Good-bye flip-flops. Hello Naot.
Good-bye tan. Hello pasty white skin.
Good-bye leisurely mornings. Hello mad morning carpool rush.
Good-bye quickly throwing clothes on the kids. Hello layers upon layers upon layers.
Good-bye long days of sunshine to play in. Hello dark, cold evenings that keep us indoors.
Good-bye 5 whole months of nary a sniffle. Hello being sick for pretty much the next 7 months straight.
Good-bye shabbat meals of grilled chicken that Shimmy mostly handles. Hello slaving all day in the kitchen for the many, many holiday meals.

Speaking of which, gotta get back to the kitchen.

Our Vacation in Photos

It was the perfect combination of beach, "touristy stuff" (funny to say, since I am a native, not a tourist), visiting relatives, and just relaxing!