Yom Kippur (Ex Post Facto)

Yom Kippur: The Day of Atonement.
Not one of my favorite holidays. I dread it every year and feel an immense sense of relief as soon as it's over. I don't dread it just because it means refraining from any food or drink (including water) for 25 hours, although that in itself is very difficult, especially with two young children to feed and entertain. I dread it because of what it actually is- atonement through reflection and introspection. It's a daunting task to look back over the past year and scrutinize my errors in judgment. Particularly since I do this pretty much every day and after every major interaction I have with another person. Because I am so self-critical in this way, I rarely ignore these errors in judgment. I try to ask forgiveness right away. I don't like to leave things feeling uncomfortable. The guilt gnaws at me and physically corrodes the lining of my stomach until I make things "right." But before Yom Kippur I go back and scrutinize everything again. And even the stituations I previously amended make me feel horrible all over again. I'm not one to make the blanket "if I have offended anyone over the past year, please forgive me" statement. Some people do, and I can appreciate it and respect their attempt to wipe the slate clean in that way. Personally, though, I don't feel satisfied in making that statement. I don't feel atoned or "right" about things unless I go to the specific person I know that I've offended and ask them personally and specifically for forgiveness. It's much harder to do it my way, but it makes me feel better when it's over. And then Yom Kippur arrives. I spend the day fasting, praying (albeit from home this year since Lilah's schedule would not cooperate to allow me to go to synagogue), and repenting. At the end of the day, I know that God has forgiven me and I can move forward once again, trying to be the best me I possibly can. I can only hope that if God is so gracious, people can be too. As my former boss used to say about people, "they're just trying to get by." We're all just trying to get by. In our own very busy lives, with our own many difficult demands. I hope that in trying to get by, we stop to consider everyone else that is trying to do the same. And if we err in judgment, that those we err will also remember that we're all just trying to get by. May the coming year be one filled with good health, happiness, peace, and personal fulfillment. May we all be the best people we can be and may all of our dreams come true.