Looking Ahead and Looking Back

As every passing second means I'm closer to having the baby I find myself preoccupied with thoughts of what this really means. I cannot wait to meet this baby. I am giddy with anticipation of rocking him/her; snuggling with that soft, warm body; and kissing that fuzzy little head over and over. I can't wait to watch him/her go through the various stages of development right before my eyes. And this time enjoy it even more because I won't have so much of that first time mom paranoia that I did with Sophie. (OMG she isn't rolling over yet! How can I be positive that she can see/hear/function normally? Why has she been sleeping for so long- is she okay???) I can't wait for him/her to be old enough to play with Sophie so I can watch them become good friends and entertain each other.

But having this baby also means that a lot will change, and I am desperately trying to hold on to the remaining moments of life as I know it. I will miss our little family as it is now. Yesterday afternoon when Sophie and I woke up from our nap together (she always wakes up first and starts chatting away) we just stayed in her bed for a while snuggling. I probably could have found a hundred other things to do with that time, but I looked at her and I thought to myself "there is no where in the world I'd rather be right now." I love that child. I'm sorry that I will be ending the era of just the two of us, even if it means giving her a sibling, which is a wonderful gift.

I will miss being pregnant. It sounds odd considering everything a pregnant woman puts her body through. I recently heard a comedian say that a woman who says she wants to be pregnant again is like a person who slams his hand in a car door and then five minutes later says, "That was fun. I want to do it again!" But, it's true. I will miss feeling a little body move around inside my own- you just can never be that close to your baby again. After delivery it's traumatizing to me to have the baby taken to the nursery for that first exam. It's the first time we have ever been in a separate room and I hate it. (Shimmy stays with the baby at all times that he/she is away from me.) I will miss my pregnant body. I've mentioned in a previous post (I am not fancy enough to tag, link, or label most of the time, sorry) how beautiful I think pregnant bodies are. I just love staring at myself in the mirror lately. Sure, I hate that I've also gained weight in my butt and thighs, and that my skin is horrendous, but that belly. Just amazing. I will definitely miss seeing it.

On the other hand, I will not miss sleeping with it, eating with it, trying to stand at a sink with it, trying to hug my husband with it (I have to hug him sideways). I am dreading the in-between stage of no longer pregnant, but not yet back to my regular body. However, I am so looking forward to getting back to my regular body. I have two friends who I have really missed: Weight Watchers and Treadmill. I can't wait to get reacquainted. They are such good friends and helped me look sooooo good before I got pregnant this time. (Narcissism or just positive body image? Whatever, you pick.)

I'm a little down about not having delivered yet, but I am determined to make the most of these last precious moments. Who knows? Today could be the last day. I went into labor with Sophie this exact day (38 weeks, 3 days). Until I do get to meet my new little baby I am going to soak up the time I still have with my first one.